Post by lindy on Feb 11, 2004 11:17:48 GMT
>A husband and wife decided they needed to use certain phrases to indicate
>that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on their
>sex life.
>
>One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy
>that daddy needs to type a letter."
>
>The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded telling
>her young child, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now
>because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
>
>The child went back to tell her father the bad news.
>
>A few days later the mom told her, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter
>now."
>
>The child told her father and came back to her mother and gave the father's
>response, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the
>letter by hand."
>=====================
>
>John returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Mary, that
>the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he
>asked her to make love with him.
>
>Of course she agreed and they made mad passionate love.
>
>Six hours later, John went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have
>18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
>
>Mary agrees and again they make love.
>
>Later, John is getting into bed then he realized he now had only eight
>hours
>of life left. He touched Mary's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just
>one more time before I die."
>
>She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
>
>John, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
>turned
>until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the
>shoulder
>to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
>
>His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen John
>I have to get up in the morning! You don't."
>
>============================
>
>One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom!
>I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful
>girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
>
>After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you.
>Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's
>a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered me much excitement
>in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is
>actually
>your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
>
>George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating
>girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne
>said yes! We're getting married in June."
>
>Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the
>sad news. "Dianne is also your half sister, George. I'm awfully sorry about
>this.
>
>
>George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his
>father had shared.
>
>"Dad has done so much harm. He has had sex with practically every woman
>in town! I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every
>time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
>
>"Hah!" his mother laughed, shaking her head. "Don't pay any attention to
>what he says. He's not really your father."
>
>================================
>A handsome athletic man meets a well-endowed beautiful blonde and decides
>he wants to marry her right away. She tells him they don't know anything
>about each other.
>
>He says that it's fine: "We can learn about each other with time."
>
>She consents, they marry and leave for their honeymoon at a very nice
>resort.
>
>One morning as they are lying by the pool, he gets up from his towel. He
>climbs the 10 meter board and fluidly performs a two and a half tuck gainer
>followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, then straighten out
>and cuts the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he comes
>back and eases back on his towel.
>
>Very excited, she says, "That was incredible!"
>
>"I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he says. "You see, I told you
>we'd learn more about each other as time went on."
>
>The blonde gets up, jumps in the pool, and begins doing laps. After about
>fifty laps, she climbs back out and lays down on her towel... barely out
>of breath.
>
>Very excited, he says, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance
>swimmer?"
>
>"No," she answers.
>
>"Then how did you get to be such a great swimmer?"
>
>"I was a hooker in London... I worked both sides of the river."
>that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on their
>sex life.
>
>One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy
>that daddy needs to type a letter."
>
>The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded telling
>her young child, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now
>because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
>
>The child went back to tell her father the bad news.
>
>A few days later the mom told her, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter
>now."
>
>The child told her father and came back to her mother and gave the father's
>response, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the
>letter by hand."
>=====================
>
>John returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Mary, that
>the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he
>asked her to make love with him.
>
>Of course she agreed and they made mad passionate love.
>
>Six hours later, John went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have
>18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
>
>Mary agrees and again they make love.
>
>Later, John is getting into bed then he realized he now had only eight
>hours
>of life left. He touched Mary's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just
>one more time before I die."
>
>She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
>
>John, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
>turned
>until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the
>shoulder
>to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
>
>His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen John
>I have to get up in the morning! You don't."
>
>============================
>
>One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom!
>I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful
>girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
>
>After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you.
>Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's
>a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered me much excitement
>in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is
>actually
>your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
>
>George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating
>girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne
>said yes! We're getting married in June."
>
>Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the
>sad news. "Dianne is also your half sister, George. I'm awfully sorry about
>this.
>
>
>George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his
>father had shared.
>
>"Dad has done so much harm. He has had sex with practically every woman
>in town! I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every
>time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
>
>"Hah!" his mother laughed, shaking her head. "Don't pay any attention to
>what he says. He's not really your father."
>
>================================
>A handsome athletic man meets a well-endowed beautiful blonde and decides
>he wants to marry her right away. She tells him they don't know anything
>about each other.
>
>He says that it's fine: "We can learn about each other with time."
>
>She consents, they marry and leave for their honeymoon at a very nice
>resort.
>
>One morning as they are lying by the pool, he gets up from his towel. He
>climbs the 10 meter board and fluidly performs a two and a half tuck gainer
>followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, then straighten out
>and cuts the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he comes
>back and eases back on his towel.
>
>Very excited, she says, "That was incredible!"
>
>"I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he says. "You see, I told you
>we'd learn more about each other as time went on."
>
>The blonde gets up, jumps in the pool, and begins doing laps. After about
>fifty laps, she climbs back out and lays down on her towel... barely out
>of breath.
>
>Very excited, he says, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance
>swimmer?"
>
>"No," she answers.
>
>"Then how did you get to be such a great swimmer?"
>
>"I was a hooker in London... I worked both sides of the river."