Post by Micky on Jun 23, 2004 17:44:59 GMT
A man takes a seat on an aeroplane. Settled in, he sees a strikingly
beautiful woman boarding. To his delight, she takes the seat beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he says, "Business trip or holiday?" She
smiles and says, "Business - the annual sex convention in New York." The man
swallows hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he asks, "What's your
role at the convention then?" "Lecturer," she responds. "I use my experience
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," the man
says. "What myths are those?" "Well," the woman explains, "one popular myth
is that African men are the best endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native
American Indians. Another misconception is that Frenchmen are the world's
best lovers, when in fact men of Jewish descent are the best in bed. We
have, however, found that the best overall lovers are the rednecks from
South America." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and
blushes. "I'm really sorry," she says, "I shouldn't really be discussing
this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man says. "Tonto
Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been
since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and
gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of
whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how
long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there
too...!"
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front
porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she
replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told
him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I
give you for free." He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to
the porch. His wife said: "And just where do you think you are going?" "I'm
going too!" he replied. "Why?" she asked. "I want to see how you are going
to live on £800 a year!"
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive
woman. He gives the woman a quick glance and then casually takes a look at
his watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies. "Q's just given me a state-of-the-art watch and I was
testing it out." Intrigued, the woman asks, "A state-of-the-art watch?
What's so special about it?" Bond coolly explains, "It uses alpha waves to
talk telepathically." The lady says, "So what's it telling you now?" "Well,
it says you're not wearing any knickers." says Bond. The woman giggles and
replies, "Well, it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!" Bond tuts,
taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
beautiful woman boarding. To his delight, she takes the seat beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he says, "Business trip or holiday?" She
smiles and says, "Business - the annual sex convention in New York." The man
swallows hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he asks, "What's your
role at the convention then?" "Lecturer," she responds. "I use my experience
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," the man
says. "What myths are those?" "Well," the woman explains, "one popular myth
is that African men are the best endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native
American Indians. Another misconception is that Frenchmen are the world's
best lovers, when in fact men of Jewish descent are the best in bed. We
have, however, found that the best overall lovers are the rednecks from
South America." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and
blushes. "I'm really sorry," she says, "I shouldn't really be discussing
this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man says. "Tonto
Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been
since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and
gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of
whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how
long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there
too...!"
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front
porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she
replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told
him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I
give you for free." He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to
the porch. His wife said: "And just where do you think you are going?" "I'm
going too!" he replied. "Why?" she asked. "I want to see how you are going
to live on £800 a year!"
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive
woman. He gives the woman a quick glance and then casually takes a look at
his watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies. "Q's just given me a state-of-the-art watch and I was
testing it out." Intrigued, the woman asks, "A state-of-the-art watch?
What's so special about it?" Bond coolly explains, "It uses alpha waves to
talk telepathically." The lady says, "So what's it telling you now?" "Well,
it says you're not wearing any knickers." says Bond. The woman giggles and
replies, "Well, it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!" Bond tuts,
taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."