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Post by selene on Dec 11, 2005 11:09:15 GMT
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates, said Saint Peter.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize Christmas?" The man replied, "They're Carols."
And So The Holiday Season Begins....
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Post by selene on Dec 11, 2005 11:11:13 GMT
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel........
They say it's only for the Christmas period. ;D
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knifey
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Post by knifey on Dec 11, 2005 18:25:55 GMT
lmao
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knifey
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Post by knifey on Dec 11, 2005 18:34:42 GMT
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde.
She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks:
"Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my male dangly bits this way!"
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knifey
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Post by knifey on Dec 11, 2005 18:36:48 GMT
He laid her on the table. So white clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat. He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast. And then drooling felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry. The hole was wide...he looked inside. All was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms... And then he stuffed the turkey.
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Post by Fisco on Dec 24, 2005 11:11:07 GMT
Mother doesnt like what she hears Father telling her son, so she decides to let him know the three stages of the willy...
"In your 20's your willy is like an oak tree, mighty and rock hard.
In your 30's and 40's its like a birch, flexible but reliable.
But when you reach your 50's its like a Christmas tree..."
"A Christmas Tree?" the sons asks.
"Yes" says Mum "Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration".
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Post by Fisco on Dec 24, 2005 11:13:34 GMT
Happy F*cking Christmas, f*ck it, b*ll*cks you w*anker, f*ck f*ck and a f*cking shit New Year you pr*ck.....
from all at the Tourettes Syndrome Society.
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Post by ghoststalker on Apr 27, 2007 10:26:06 GMT
lol
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